to take time to sniff the flowers. Then gnaw on them a little.
That time that I thought we we just going to a fun dance class, but it turns out that people attend just about every week and that those people appear to be professional dancers. And when the instructor asks if I'm okay, I think "Yes, but clearly I've made a huge mistake." He explains that it's not about the steps because this is a "woman class" a.k.a. a class on feminine wiles. You know, as taught by a very muscular, masculine man who shouts "Imagine that you're feminine!"
And obviously, I am imagining that so hard and also imagining what the reaction will be in the clubs when Paris Stilton and I break out our synchronized Rihanna dance routine.
41 rue du Temple, 75004
My French hospital is just a castle. I'm just a Disney princess with a fairytale parasite.
A) Penny loafers with curly laces and socks
B) Metallic hair bows larger than one's head
C) Coordinated ruffled jumpsuits
D) All of the above
There's just so much material for the Tumblr I will eventually create titled "Traumatic Jumpsuits of My Youth."
I'm never sleeping over.
Thank god for a friend who drives very far in the wee hours of the morning to supervise my medical care and captures the precious moment of when I try to carry my own IV bag, trip on the line, and yup, that's blood all over the gown.
A friend that buy gifts for my parasite that I named Juan Pablo.
A friend who sits by my side while my bottle of seltzer explodes all over my Hugh Hefner pajamas and hospital gurney. Lying in the ER in a puddle was EXACTLY how I wanted to spend my last weekend in America.
She's just gonna wait for my anti-nausea meds on this really comfortable metal bench underneath the wall of "Date Night" personal lubricants and facing the adult diapers.
until we realized it's just a chair. For the guard.
Modern art is hard.
Lighting my gas stove on fire, by hand, is a super fun daily near-death experience. At least when I go up in flames now, it will be IN STYLE.
You can purchase these beauties yourself at:
111 boulevard Beaumarchais, 75003, PARIS